Davis = FIRED! contest entries

Davis Saves Us From Aliens

Over a period of several strips... enough to make it look as if you might never return Davis to the RDT... Davis buys a small mansion and moves all of his stuff there. (One crate in particular he's extra-careful with.) His girlfriend gets fed up with him having a legion of adoring fans and she leaves him. At first he thinks the fans make a good substitute, but he slowly realizes that they don't and he'd really rather have his old girlfriend back.

One night he hears a strange noise in the back yard. When he goes back to invesigate he finds... I don't know, wood nymphs or something. Thanks to his time spent at the RDT, he knows exactly how to handle the situation.

After dispatching the (wood nymphs or whatever), he discovers that they're actually in league with the space alien invasion force. He opens the mysterious crate mentioned earlier (upset that he wanted to wait longer before using it) and unpacks a portable mystic grenade launcher. (He'd be hoping to save it for Independence Day.) He fires a few mystic grenades at the legion of UFO's, but there's too many, and he's forced to break into the RDT to get out the REALLY dangerous stuff he needs to defend the earth.

Of course, after he saves the entire Earth, Miss Harper has no choice but to re-hire him. She doen't say "Good job" or anything like that, of course.

Davis Stops the Monster

A large, hideous monster breaks loose at the RDT... Golem can't stop it... Miss Harper can't stop it... the ninja robot monkeys (or whatever they are) can't stop it...

It goes on a rampage through the city, destroying several city blocks.

Meanwhile, Davis is walking down the street, unhappy because he can't find a job anywhere.

The creature begins destroying the very street Davis is walking down. Without even turning to look, Davis grabs one of the creature's tentacles and twists sharply. The creature immediately becomes docile.

Davis: "Leave me alone, Bob. I'm not in the mood."

Davis leads the creature, Bob, back to the RDT and turns it over to Miss Harper.

Davis: "Bob's easy to handle. You've just got to show him who's boss. Oh, well, I've got to be going."

Davis starts to leave. Miss Harper is too proud to give him his job back.... Uh, I'm not sure what happens here... I guess Tavlin forces her to re-hire him.

Davis's Dangerous Cookie

Davis uses his newfound wealth to buy (at an auction) the most dangerous object in the world.

(I'm thinking, the most dangerous chocolate chip cookie in the world, but... no, that's just too silly)

Whatever it is, it's the most dangerous one in the world. In spite of heavy counter-bidding from other interested parties (various world leaders, mafia dons, and terrorists), Davis manages to win the bid. It's all of his money...

And just as he's about to take the item he bought from the auctioneer, Ms Harper shows up and grabs it.

Ms Harper: Nice work, Davis. We've been trying to track this item down forever. See you on Monday?
Davis: Awwww, man.....

This could be followed up, several weeks later, by a picture of Davis at work at the RDT, looking sadly into the glass jar which now contains the dangerous item he spent all his money on.

(Poor Davis... Spends all his money on it and never even gets a chance to touch it)

>>Nice work, Davis. We've been trying to track this item down forever. See you on Monday?<< - Am I being too subtle here? I'm trying to indicate that as far as Ms Harper's concerned, she's re-hired Davis, retroactive to just before he bought the most dangerous cookie in the world. Meaning that he was acting as an agent of the RDT, and therefore the cookie belongs to the RDT. (Of course, if he tries to sue her, she could point out that the money he used "came from" the RDT as well, so from a legal point of view, the RDT has a very strong case for ownership of the cookie.)

Drunk on Power

Drunk on power (or, at least, on two million dollars and adoring women), Davis begins a fast life of hot cars, loose women, and daring stunts!

A very, very fast life. Within a day of starting his new life, he causes so much havoc that he's declared to be a Dangerous Thing... and is promptly shipped back to the RDT, to take up his old job beside Golem.

Except now he's not getting paid.

Sentient Pencil

In a half-awake daze, Davis writes "Sentient pencil".

The pencil then begins changing the world... until Miz Harper comes along and snaps it in half, and Davis is left without groupies or money - and the moustache, etc. are gone.

Davis then is ordered to clean out the Augean stables by Miz Harper.

ShaeDoll's DavisDoll

Part one:

Davis stands by his car, counting his money and being adored by his girls. Suddenly, the money fades away.

Then the girls fade away.

Then the car starts to disappear

Davis screams in anguish.

Cut to RDT:
Annabelle (evil grin, erasing the post-its Davis made): Idiot. That's why pencils have erasers.



Davis: No money, no job, no car...no girls...how could this day get any worse?

Suddenly, Davis stiffens and starts to stagger in the opposite direction.

Davis: What's going on? Where am I going?

Davis is marched into the RDT.

Annabelle: Davis! I fired you.
Davis: I know, I don't know why I came back!
Annabelle: Well, you can work here again...at half pay.
Davis: You mean it?
Annabelle: Yeah, we've already lost three interns while you were gone.
Davis: I was only gone a few days!
Annabelle: I know...maybe they'll turn up again and I can fire you again.

Pull back to behind a potted plant, showing Davis and Annabelle from worms eye view...

Davis: Lucky I showed up!
Annabelle: I guess

Shae doll is holding the Davis doll (posed exactly as Davis is posed), 'cause she used it to bring him back.


Superhero Davis

I have to admit, I was a bit distraught at first when Ms. Harpy fired me from the RDT. I really dug hanging out with that cat (poor Patton! devoured by the misunderstood things there!) and Golem was always a good listener, except for when he gave you a wedgie followed up by a swirlie when he caught you raggin' on Ms. Harpy.

Well, you see, after I blew through most of my money, I managed to score some quick bucks by selling some of the more harmless dangerous things I'd managed to sneak out (or which had snuck out with me) over the years on eBay. But I still had this black mask - the kind that just rests over your eyes, like Robin's in all those Batman comics I used to read growing up - and that's when I realized what my true calling was...

Or, well, okay, the mask decided I was going to be its calling. I put it on and the next several hours were sort of a blur. I felt my face pulling and stretching into someone else's face after I put it on, and my clothes changed, becoming this trippy purple and black trenchcoat and suit, complete with guns.

I sorta remember beating up criminals, laughing maniacally, dangling crooks over bridges telling them in this cool-ass spooky whisper that "Did you think I wouldn't know? Did you think I wouldn't find out?" When I woke up the next morning, I seemed to be myself again, and the mask was on my chest.

Checking the news, I saw several stories about some guy in a big broad-rimmed hat and a trenchcoat and cape running around stopping petty crimes, saving some guy from committing suicide, and a bunch of other cool stuff. Apparently, the mask had possessed me and I had become this costumed hero-vigilante that called himself The Penumbra...

...and all I could think was KICK ASS! I'm a superhero! There was a witness who said that the Penumbra had used martial arts, could turn invisible, and did all sorts of cool shit!

But I know Ms. Harpy will hear about this and start to come looking for me, so I've left town, took all my gear and cash and now I'm heading to a big city on the other coast...I can at least make her work at trying to stop my fun. I even set myself up as a private detective (or maybe the mask did), the better to find criminals that need a visit from the Penumbra. I'm all set up Sam Spade-like, and there's something about the mask that brings in the ladies with trouble to the office.

Oh yeah. Best dangerous thing ever, this mask.

Tanning Salon Fiasco

After blowing through his two million dollars in record time (and disillusioning his adoring fans even faster), Davis is again forced to see gainful employment. First he tries to get a part time job at a tanning salon, in the belief he will meet hot chicks in bathing suits Sadly, it turns out the real hot chicks actually go to the beach, and the only people who go to the tanning salon are the people you'd never ever want to see in bathing suits in the first place Next he takes a job at the computer software store in the mall. So... many... gaaaaames! Glee! Alas, he completely whomps the manager at Soul Caliber 2, and is fired for doing his special victory dance. Finally, he does his best to assist with the running of a prominent internet server system, but is caught making webcomics during company time. He has just enough time to make a snotty caricature of his boss before crawling back to the RDT!

The F.B.I.

Tavlin: What's made you so happy?

Harper: Davis is about to get a lesson in the Law of Conservation of Matter.

Tavlin: Where is Davis?

Harper: Lets just say that right about now the F.B.I. wants to ask him about two million dollars that went missing from the U.S. Mint; several pit crews are dissassembling his car; and a major rockband or two are kicking his ass for stealing their groupies.

Tavlin: I see. I guess that means I should put out an add in the local paper for an internship position. By the way, do you have a 5 o'clock shadow?

Harper: No! (Runs into bathroom)

TV Exec Davis

Davis gets into an old wood panel station wagon and begins driving to Minneapolis as Sonny Curtis sings:

Who can turn the world on with his smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you boy, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, boy this time you're all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

Davis proceeds to get a job as an executive producer for a local TV station. Elated, he throws his hat into the air while pedestrians watch in disbelief and then horror as the hat smacks into the windshield of a taxi causing the driver to lose control and plow into the crowd with fatal results.

Warehouse of Harmless Itemss

Davis searches around, and finds a place called the Warehouse of Harmless Items. Figures it will make a nice change of pace...

He walks in, and meets a curator who has nothing around but "Hello Kitty" memorabilia, cutesy angels and cloyingly sweet Care Bears stuff. (Or fictional equivelents thereof.) The curator, instead of a cynical woman intent on Davis' discomfiture, is a male, and the Perfect Boss---encourages long coffee breaks, gives a killer paycheck, goes out of his way to make it the perfect place to work.

But Davis is bored.

He starts exploring.

And discovers a dark secret chamber where cultists are gathered and about to sacrifice a victim to a dark god---
---who regards HUMANS as the most harmless things of all.

He turns around to escape, only to be boxed in by two huge cultists....

And just then, the RDT's curator calls, cussing because some paperwork hadn't been properly filled out and Social Security will be on her case if he doesn't sign something---in triplicate...and all he can manage is a garbled "Help!"

Long story short, she and the Golem come and rescue him---they've been SEARCHING for this particular Elder God's portal for a while---but she's cussing all the while. She doesn't care anything about Davis (or at least that's what she says) but she DEFINITELY doesn't want the paperwork entailed by having Davis not fill out those forms.
So she rescues him, but in the process his hands are crushed. (Not flat, but they hurt.) For the next few weeks, he can't sign ANYTHING until they heal.

So she hires him back, to keep annoying bureaucrats out of the RDT.

But she blows up at him: "You make more trouble when you're FIRED than when you show up!"

Vote, my pretties! Voting ends at 11:05pm on Wednesday, May 12
Davis = FIRED
Which 3 entries do you like best?

Davis Saves Us From Aliens
Davis Stops the Monster
Davis's Dangerous Cookie
Drunk on Power
Sentient Pencil
ShaeDoll's DavisDoll
Superhero Davis
Tanning Salon Fiasco
The F.B.I.
TV Exec Davis
Warehouse of Harmless Items
poll is over, too lazy to post results yet!