Ask the RDT: advice - mysteries - curiosity - boredom

Because knowledge is the most dangerous thing of all.

May-June 03 | July-Aug 03 | Sep-Oct 03
Nov-Dec 03 Jan-Feb 04 | Mar-Apr 04
May-June 04 |July-Aug 04

:: 6/17/04

Q: I managed to injure myself playing a video game- specifically I got furious and smashed my hand against the controller in rage. So is the game, the controller, or my short fuse dangerous enough for the RDT?
A: There is generally only one example of each dangerous thing in the RDT. The space for nincompoopery has already been taken.
Q: You silly rabbit. Trix are for kids!
A: Not a question.
Q: Why is Hoobastank's music so AWESOME?!?!?!!!
A: You are clearly delusional.
Q: Why pants?
A: Yeah, why pants? I draw a brand new intern for Ms.Harper, and she has to go and spoil her by putting pants on her. This displeases me.
Q: If a jellyfish hid in a package of jelly, waiting to be mixed with water to reform itself back into its jelly like body, and when in said now solidish form, attempted to sting you, what would you do? Because it really hurt, and I am wondering if I should call a doctor.
A: The jellyfish would be dead.
Q: Lots of Dalek questions afoot. Must be a trouble a'brewin', eh?
A: Don't sweat it man, Daleks are crap. Seriously. I don't like Doctor Who either, it's a crappy show. What do you fans gotta say about THAT?
Q: How many fingers am I holding up?
A: I don't know, but I know exactly what finger I'm holding up to you.

Whoops, Duck #1 is calling. I'm blowing this popsicle stand!

:: 6/10/04

Q: What happened to comic #23?
A: Mama Zora ate it!
Q: What do bad little Monkey Deathbots get in their stockings at Christmas time? - Chance.
A: Mama Zora's fruitcake!
Q: Will Davis be returning? *puppy dog eyes*
A: Although puppy dog eyeballs are a thoughtful gift for Mama Zora, it is even better when she keeps them and refuses to answer your question!
Q: May I please have fairy god parents?
A: Mama Zora will be your lord and master! She will perform miracles upon you... and turn you into a hearty meal for seven.
Q: Who the hell names their kid Apple? I mean, besides Steve Jobs.
A: Someone like Mama Zora, who finds children delicious! Sweet and crunchy...
Q: Considering the damage Davis has done during his stint at the R.D.T., don't you think he himself should be classified as a dangerous thing? I mean, dude, you might think you look good in a mustache and all, but, damn, you don't.
Q: Vampires don't like garlic. I am assuming its because its so hard to seduce the hot chicks when your breath smells like you sucked on dirty socks just before you came to the party. Anyway, what good does it do anyone? Like, what kind of hero wants to smell like garlic, either? I mean, sure, it keeps the vampire away and all, but isn't part of being a hero about the chicks? So I guess vampires and heroes are all about the chicks. So... what's with the garlic?
A: It makes you nutritious!
Q: Yeah, so like, there I was, and like, she said, you know, stuff. And I was like, totally digging it and stuff. Then she was totally like, hey, lets like, you know, do something! I was like, okay, what? And she said... ah forget it it's not interesting anyway. My question is this - did we really talk that way, and if so, what the hell were we thinking?
A: Mama Zora desires you to shut your idiot mouth before you lose any more of the hot air that is filling your cranium.
Q: Do pokemon fall under the category of 'Dangerous Animals' or 'Dangerous Weapons'?
A:  Pokemon fall into the hors d'oeuvre category, although the nasty kind that no one likes to eat.
Q: Pepsi products taste worse, actually.
A: As a cursed being that relishes the taste of human flesh, Mama Zora agrees with you completely!
Q: Will Julie marry me?
A: No.
Q: Unsafe sex can be dangerous, is there a lot of it in the RDT?
A: This reminds Mama Zora of a hilarious commercial!

Mama Zora would like to do that man a favor....

:: 6/10/04

Q: Meow? Mrowr, myaa, nyuu. Mew?

*The following translation courtesy of the Highly Unstable and Dangerous Brain Frequency Dislocation and Recalculation Device, Which Works With Needles and Pointy Painful Things (TM)*

<Our time is at hand. As we speak, the humans cower to our every whim. I can only hope that you, our champion, have succeeded in infiltrating That Place, so that our armies will have the power to wreak havoc on those who oppose us. Do not disseminate this message.>

... Meow?

<... Tuna?>
A: I want chicken I want liver Meow Mix Meow Mix please de-li-ver! KITTY!!! n________n Huggles! *nnnnnnn*
Q: Tomorrow is my birthday. What are you getting me?
(April 30th)
A: Um..... O_o A very late "Happy Birthday"? Sorry! ^_^;
Q: What is a fun thing to do?
A: Answering letters! XD
Q: Which has more nutritive value: a package of Twinkies, or handful of Gobots?
A: Twinkies! e_e They are so nummy....
Q: I have a pimple that won't pop. help.
A: Eeeewww.... ¬_¬ kthx for that. Go home.
Q: Do you know who Bif Naked is?
A: No, but he sounds fun! :) Send him over so I can meet him!
Q: What's your favorite drink?
A: Sugar. ^_^
Q: Why a mouse when it turns around?
A: Because... false? Is this a Zen answer with no question? O_o
Q: This question box... It's always here... Daring me to ask something... I keep thinking about it... So my question is, is this The Box?
A: No! But good guess. :D
Q: Is there an adoption process for the uhoh? I could just use a small cute danger-warning system. And in purple too! It'll fit right in with my bedroom wallpaper.
A: He's kind of shy. I don't think he'd like to be adopted. :( Sometimes he comes over when I invite him for cookies n_n but only if there aren't a lot of people there.
Q: And what looking after does an uhoh need, anyway?
A: Sometimes he gets sad and hides. ;_; I have to go find him and give him HUGS!!!! To let him know we loafs him! ^_^
Q: How do the voodoo dolls work exactly? Oh yeah, and can I buy one for *cough*revenge*cough* scientific experiments?
A: My subjects aren't toys! O_O! Shame on you!
Q: Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but you have to get them in there, first.
A: Maybe that is why the one mouse turned around? ^_^;;
Q: Okay, so, Miss Harper has a caged universe. Isn't there a danger that it might rupture from its containment and superimpose itself on our universe? Just imagine - Davis^2 (or maybe just a messy Davis). Of course, since this is dangerous, that's why it's in the RDT...but...but...~cerulean blue~...*googly hypno-eyes*
A: ((@_@)) ... okay.

Need more sugar....

:: 5/13/04

Q: Explain this to me:

And tell me how that's not dangerous!
A: He's crazy, but it's a harmless crazy.
Q: Are there underwire bras in the Dangerous Underwear room? Cause mine broke and the underwire slipped out and started poking me in the armpit and it's extremely uncomfortable and probably dangerous, and yet it might be more dangerous to take it off, since I am at work. Or how about any bra under a C cup? They either make us look like little girls, or else won't stay in place so we look like fools trying to keep our bras from slipping cause they're just smaller versions of ones designed for D cup models, cause no one seems to care whether we are sexy or comfortable if we can't fill a C! Dangerous things, I tell you...
A: If you're wearing an underwire with an A or B cup, you have an inflated sense of your chest. An underwire bra is a METAL REINFORCED support device. It's like steel girders for your breasts. You A and B cup little girls are the ones running around looking cute with no bra, or those shirts that have bras built into them with a strategic string and some stretchy fabric. Under-C-cup bras don't stay in place because you don't have enough boob to make them do so. You need bigger boobs before you need support. Also, girls with D size breasts and above don't like you A-B girls because you don't have back problems, you don't have as much trouble buying shirts and dresses, gravity affects them less, and you get all the good bras. Most models are C cup and under, trust me. That's why only C size bras fit anybody. Try finding a sexy, good-looking, well-fitting bra in a DD cup (or higher) that isn't some whore-looking thing from Frederick's of Hollywood that costs eighty bucks and doesn't give you quad-boob or "scoopies." Then you can complain. I have no pity for you.
Q: Dear Ms. Harper,
Is it true that you vent by making a web comic under the name of Amanda Hardy?
A: Absolutely not. I don't know who keeps spreading that rumor.
Q: Dear Ms. Harper,
Is it true that you vent your daily frustrations in a web comic, under the alias of "Amanda Hardy"?
A: OK, you're getting a hurt in the face now.
Q: Will there be pie?
A: Only if you are good.
Q: Is Ms. Harper human?
A: Yes.
Q: Can I join the comic, and fondle Mrs. harper?
A: No.
Q: This is metaphorically speaking, of course.
A: It's only metaphorically speaking because I said no. If I'd have said yes you wouldn't have been speaking metaphorically.
Q: Is there a special room for dangerous microorganisms, or do you just allow them to float around through the air? (Or do you just keep their genomic information on hand in case you need to make up a batch?)
A: Yes, all of those.
Q: Does the RDT have an age (Which I think would be around, er, 150 or 250ish), or do the transdimensional effects prevent that? And if it has an age, would it's age be different from the time passed outside the RDT?
A: Yes, all of those.
Q: If a tree falls in the middle of your office, does it cause a nuclear explosion?
A: Only if it falls on the tactical nukes recovered from an undisclosed middle eastern location which are awaiting classification and filing.
Q: Where do I get an magic 8-ball that knows all and reveals all? (as opposed to the commercially available Magic 8-balls, which know all but reveal nothing) Wouldn't that technically be a Dangerous Thing?
A: Room C-442. Good luck getting past the positronic manticore.
Q: Would something being sent a split second into the past, in the exact same spot they are now, cause the universe to fall apart at its seams?
A: No, because they still aren't sharing the same existence. A split second in the past is still a different time than the now. You would merely create a forked reality, which would fuse itself back together at the instant they shared the same existence, a split second later.
Q: Okay. I think my neighbor is a Dalek. Here's why: he's got poor vision, talks in a high-pitched mechanical reverb monotone, likes to exterminate things, and he's got bumps all over him. Should I send him in to the RDT? Or should I just start running?
A: Give him some aspirin and some cortisone cream. He's had too much to drink and walked into poison ivy.

Now I feel dirty. You guys are in so much trouble.

:: 5/06/04

Q: Does the RDT contain a little knowledge?
A: Yes. It actually contains MORE now that Davis is gone.
Q: What if there were a Conjoinment Ray (TM) in the R.D.T.? Would our favorite Ice B- er, managerial female staff member be driven insane, sharing a body with... Well, I can imagine a few things...
A: She would probably end up in the hospital from kicking her own ass. AH ha haha. That would be hilarious. Hm... I think I can put two things in the same body actually...
Q: How do the monkey deathbots close their interlocking-toothed mouths with only 3 in each jaw?
A: Their mouths don't actually open and close. Their teeth just retract into their (hollowed) metal skin. Then they chop closed. Like razor-bladed interlocking death. They actually make a very suble sliding-metal noise. If this were a comic book I'd describe it as *shhkt*... very creepy.
Q: Why is a monkey responding to the questions?
A: They're smarter than you think. Although they seem to only focus on KILLing. They are deathbots after all. The Monkey Deathbot King seems to be a bit smarter than the others, though. He can form whole sentences involving the word KILL.
Q: Given three monkey deathbots, two crockpots of neurotoxins, and one bic pen, how many college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: If they're hot girls in short skirts, as many as I can get up there.
Q: How many dangerous things are there?
A: Um, a lot.

Actually, it's an uncountable number. For instance, some of the objects exist into infinite space, and others have indeterminate numbers (like the spiderrodents). It's kind of like trying to divide by zero. It's just invalid. Although enabling the escape of a few dozen dangerous things (at the very least) is great fun and that seems to be quite enough to keep the paycheck-slaves here busy.
Q: Is the earth really a giant computer desgined to figure out what the question really was?
A: There's a reason dolphins are smarter than humans....
Q: You do know that the French name is Geneviève, not Genevié, right?
A: I'm sure here name is Geneviève originally, but if you ask her what her name is, she says Genevié. Maybe she just likes it better. Could be a nickname. I'm not asking. She could kick my ass. She's probably just messing with us.
Q: I have asked, yet why have I not yet received?
A: Well, with me, you have to wish. And bribe me. You know we get a ton of mail here.
Q: Is there a place in the RDT for anvils, banana peels, and mallets?
A: Yes, and they're over, under, and onto interns, respectively.
Q: Which is more dangerous, Pepsi or Coke?
A: Pepsi tends to have worse commercials, although most Coke products taste worse. If I were to strand an intern in the middle of the Gobi desert because they whined that their feet hurt (not that I've ever done that....) I'd leave them a case of Diet Coke with Lime.
Q: No, How Much Fun Are *You* On Halloween?
A: I am Halloween.
Q: What is the purpose of Daylight Savings Time?
A: It was for farmers or something. That's why states like Arizona (which don't support anything other than deadly scorpion farming) think it's a load of BS and don't do it. The European Union does Daylight Savings Time on a different day than most of the rest of the world, because they want to be special. It's just governments screwing with you.
Q: .....Why is my cat looking at me funny, and licking her chops? Does she want to eat me?
A: Nope, she just peed on your shoes, though.
Q: Does the R.D.T. have visiting hours and/or guided tours? I imagine that some of the dangerous things have relatives, after all.
A: If you'd like to be abandoned in the depth of a place that would make Indiana Jones weep like a woman (there are lots of snakes), I can show you around....