Because knowledge is the most dangerous thing of all.
May-June 03 |
July-Aug 03 | Sep-Oct 03
Nov-Dec 03 |
Jan-Feb 04 | Mar-Apr 04
May-June 04 |July-Aug 04
- Q: I managed to injure myself playing a video game- specifically I got
furious and smashed my hand against the controller in rage. So is the game,
the controller, or my short fuse dangerous enough for the RDT?
- A: There is generally only one example of each dangerous thing in the
RDT. The space for nincompoopery has already been taken.
- Q: You silly rabbit. Trix are for kids!
- A: Not a question.
- Q: Why is Hoobastank's music so AWESOME?!?!?!!!
- A: You are clearly delusional.
- Q: Why pants?
- A: Yeah, why pants? I draw a brand new intern for Ms.Harper, and she has
to go and spoil her by putting pants on her. This displeases me.
- Q: If a jellyfish hid in a package of jelly, waiting to be mixed with
water to reform itself back into its jelly like body, and when in said now
solidish form, attempted to sting you, what would you do? Because it really
hurt, and I am wondering if I should call a doctor.
- A: The jellyfish would be dead.
- Q: Lots of Dalek questions afoot. Must be a trouble a'brewin', eh?
- A: Don't sweat it man, Daleks are crap. Seriously. I don't like Doctor
Who either, it's a crappy show. What do you fans gotta say about THAT?
- Q: How many fingers am I holding up?
- A: I don't know, but I know exactly what finger I'm holding up to you.
Whoops, Duck #1 is calling. I'm blowing this popsicle stand!
- Q: What happened to comic #23?
- A: Mama Zora ate it!
- Q: What do bad little Monkey Deathbots get in their stockings at
Christmas time? - Chance.
- A: Mama Zora's fruitcake!
- Q: Will Davis be returning? *puppy dog eyes*
- A: Although puppy dog eyeballs are a thoughtful gift for Mama Zora, it
is even better when she keeps them and refuses to answer your question!
- Q: May I please have fairy god parents?
- A: Mama Zora will be your lord and master! She will perform miracles
upon you... and turn you into a hearty meal for seven.
- Q: Who the hell names their kid Apple? I mean, besides Steve Jobs.
- A: Someone like Mama Zora, who finds children delicious! Sweet and
- Q: Considering the damage Davis has done during his stint at the R.D.T.,
don't you think he himself should be classified as a dangerous thing? I
mean, dude, you might think you look good in a mustache and all, but, damn,
- A: MAMA ZORA DOES NOT HAVE A MUSTACHE! MAMA ZORA TAKES GREAT PAINS TO
ELIMINATE UNWANTED FACIAL HAIR! *fzzt* *spark*
- Q: Vampires don't like garlic. I am assuming its because its so hard to
seduce the hot chicks when your breath smells like you sucked on dirty socks
just before you came to the party. Anyway, what good does it do anyone?
Like, what kind of hero wants to smell like garlic, either? I mean, sure, it
keeps the vampire away and all, but isn't part of being a hero about the
chicks? So I guess vampires and heroes are all about the chicks. So... what's
with the garlic?
- A: It makes you nutritious!
- Q: Yeah, so like, there I was, and like, she said, you know, stuff. And
I was like, totally digging it and stuff. Then she was totally like, hey,
lets like, you know, do something! I was like, okay, what? And she said...
ah forget it it's not interesting anyway. My question is this - did we
really talk that way, and if so, what the hell were we thinking?
- A: Mama Zora desires you to shut your idiot mouth before you lose any
more of the hot air that is filling your cranium.
- Q: Do pokemon fall under the category of 'Dangerous Animals' or
- A: Pokemon fall into the hors d'oeuvre category, although the
nasty kind that no one likes to eat.
- Q: Pepsi products taste worse, actually.
- A: As a cursed being that relishes the taste of human flesh, Mama Zora
agrees with you completely!
- Q: Will Julie marry me?
- A: No.
- Q: Unsafe sex can be dangerous, is there a lot of it in the RDT?
- A: This reminds Mama Zora of a
Mama Zora would like to do that man a favor....
- Q: Meow? Mrowr, myaa, nyuu. Mew?
*The following translation courtesy of the Highly Unstable and Dangerous
Brain Frequency Dislocation and Recalculation Device, Which Works With
Needles and Pointy Painful Things (TM)*
<Our time is at hand. As we speak, the humans cower to our every whim. I can
only hope that you, our champion, have succeeded in infiltrating That Place,
so that our armies will have the power to wreak havoc on those who oppose
us. Do not disseminate this message.>
- A: I want chicken I want liver Meow Mix Meow Mix please de-li-ver!
KITTY!!! n________n Huggles! *nnnnnnn*
- Q: Tomorrow is my birthday. What are you getting me?
- A: Um..... O_o A very late "Happy Birthday"? Sorry! ^_^;
- Q: What is a fun thing to do?
- A: Answering letters! XD
- Q: Which has more nutritive value: a package of Twinkies, or handful of
- A: Twinkies! e_e They are so nummy....
- Q: I have a pimple that won't pop. help.
- A: Eeeewww.... ¬_¬ kthx for that. Go home.
- Q: Do you know who Bif Naked is?
- A: No, but he sounds fun! :) Send him over so I can meet him!
- Q: What's your favorite drink?
- A: Sugar. ^_^
- Q: Why a mouse when it turns around?
- A: Because... false? Is this a Zen answer with no question? O_o
- Q: This question box... It's always here... Daring me to ask
something... I keep thinking about it... So my question is, is this The Box?
- A: No! But good guess. :D
- Q: Is there an adoption process for the uhoh? I could just use a small
cute danger-warning system. And in purple too! It'll fit right in with my
- A: He's kind of shy. I don't think he'd like to be adopted. :( Sometimes
he comes over when I invite him for cookies n_n but only if there aren't a
lot of people there.
- Q: And what looking after does an uhoh need, anyway?
- A: Sometimes he gets sad and hides. ;_; I have to go find him and give
him HUGS!!!! To let him know we loafs him! ^_^
- Q: How do the voodoo dolls work exactly? Oh yeah, and can I buy one for
*cough*revenge*cough* scientific experiments?
- A: My subjects aren't toys! O_O! Shame on you!
- Q: Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but you have to get them in there, first.
- A: Maybe that is why the one mouse turned around? ^_^;;
- Q: Okay, so, Miss Harper has a caged universe. Isn't there a danger that
it might rupture from its containment and superimpose itself on our
universe? Just imagine - Davis^2 (or maybe just a messy Davis). Of course,
since this is dangerous, that's why it's in the RDT...but...but...~cerulean
- A: ((@_@)) ... okay.
Need more sugar....
- Q: Explain this to me:
And tell me how that's not dangerous!
- A: He's crazy, but it's a harmless crazy.
- Q: Are there underwire bras in the Dangerous Underwear room? Cause mine
broke and the underwire slipped out and started poking me in the armpit and
it's extremely uncomfortable and probably dangerous, and yet it might be
more dangerous to take it off, since I am at work. Or how about any bra
under a C cup? They either make us look like little girls, or else won't
stay in place so we look like fools trying to keep our bras from slipping
cause they're just smaller versions of ones designed for D cup models, cause
no one seems to care whether we are sexy or comfortable if we can't fill a
C! Dangerous things, I tell you...
- A: If you're wearing an underwire with an A or B cup, you have an
inflated sense of your chest. An underwire bra is a METAL REINFORCED support
device. It's like steel girders for your breasts. You A and B cup little
girls are the ones running around looking cute with no bra, or those shirts
that have bras built into them with a strategic string and some stretchy
fabric. Under-C-cup bras don't stay in place because you don't have enough
boob to make them do so. You need bigger boobs before you need support.
Also, girls with D size breasts and above don't like you A-B girls because
you don't have back problems, you don't have as much trouble buying shirts
and dresses, gravity affects them less, and you get all the good bras. Most
models are C cup and under, trust me. That's why only C size bras fit
anybody. Try finding a sexy, good-looking, well-fitting bra in a DD cup (or
higher) that isn't some whore-looking thing from Frederick's of Hollywood
that costs eighty bucks and doesn't give you quad-boob or "scoopies." Then
you can complain. I have no pity for you.
- Q: Dear Ms. Harper,
Is it true that you vent by making a web comic under the name of Amanda
- A: Absolutely not. I don't know who keeps spreading that rumor.
- Q: Dear Ms. Harper,
Is it true that you vent your daily frustrations in a web comic, under the
alias of "Amanda Hardy"?
- A: OK, you're getting a hurt in the face now.
- Q: Will there be pie?
- A: Only if you are good.
- Q: Is Ms. Harper human?
- A: Yes.
- Q: Can I join the comic, and fondle Mrs. harper?
- A: No.
- Q: This is metaphorically speaking, of course.
- A: It's only metaphorically speaking because I said no. If I'd have said
yes you wouldn't have been speaking metaphorically.
- Q: Is there a special room for dangerous microorganisms, or do you just
allow them to float around through the air? (Or do you just keep their
genomic information on hand in case you need to make up a batch?)
- A: Yes, all of those.
- Q: Does the RDT have an age (Which I think would be around, er, 150 or
250ish), or do the transdimensional effects prevent that? And if it has an
age, would it's age be different from the time passed outside the RDT?
- A: Yes, all of those.
- Q: If a tree falls in the middle of your office, does it cause a nuclear
- A: Only if it falls on the tactical nukes recovered from an undisclosed
middle eastern location which are awaiting classification and filing.
- Q: Where do I get an magic 8-ball that knows all and reveals all? (as
opposed to the commercially available Magic 8-balls, which know all but
reveal nothing) Wouldn't that technically be a Dangerous Thing?
- A: Room C-442. Good luck getting past the positronic manticore.
- Q: Would something being sent a split second into the past, in the exact
same spot they are now, cause the universe to fall apart at its seams?
- A: No, because they still aren't sharing the same existence. A split
second in the past is still a different time than the now. You would merely
create a forked reality, which would fuse itself back together at the
instant they shared the same existence, a split second later.
- Q: Okay. I think my neighbor is a Dalek. Here's why: he's got poor
vision, talks in a high-pitched mechanical reverb monotone, likes to
exterminate things, and he's got bumps all over him. Should I send him in to
the RDT? Or should I just start running?
- A: Give him some aspirin and some cortisone cream. He's had too much to
drink and walked into poison ivy.
Now I feel dirty. You guys are in so much trouble.
- Q: Does the RDT contain a little knowledge?
- A: Yes. It actually contains MORE now that Davis is gone.
- Q: What if there were a Conjoinment Ray (TM) in the R.D.T.? Would our
favorite Ice B- er, managerial female staff member be driven insane, sharing
a body with... Well, I can imagine a few things...
- A: She would probably end up in the hospital from kicking her own ass.
AH ha haha. That would be hilarious. Hm... I think I can put two
things in the same body actually...
- Q: How do the monkey deathbots close their interlocking-toothed mouths
with only 3 in each jaw?
- A: Their mouths don't actually open and close. Their teeth just retract
into their (hollowed) metal skin. Then they chop closed. Like razor-bladed
interlocking death. They actually make a very suble sliding-metal noise. If
this were a comic book I'd describe it as *shhkt*... very creepy.
- Q: Why is a monkey responding to the questions?
- A: They're smarter than you think. Although they seem to only focus on
KILLing. They are deathbots after all. The Monkey Deathbot King seems to be
a bit smarter than the others, though. He can form whole sentences involving
the word KILL.
- Q: Given three monkey deathbots, two crockpots of neurotoxins, and one
bic pen, how many college students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- A: If they're hot girls in short skirts, as many as I can get up there.
- Q: How many dangerous things are there?
- A: Um, a lot.
Actually, it's an uncountable number. For instance, some of the objects
exist into infinite space, and others have indeterminate numbers (like the
spiderrodents). It's kind of like trying to divide by zero. It's just
invalid. Although enabling the escape of a few dozen dangerous things (at
the very least) is great fun and that seems to be quite enough to keep the
paycheck-slaves here busy.
- Q: Is the earth really a giant computer desgined to figure out what the
question really was?
- A: There's a reason dolphins are smarter than humans....
- Q: You do know that the French name is Geneviève, not Genevié, right?
- A: I'm sure here name is Geneviève originally, but if you ask her what
her name is, she says Genevié. Maybe she just likes it better. Could be a
nickname. I'm not asking. She could kick my ass. She's probably just messing
- Q: I have asked, yet why have I not yet received?
- A: Well, with me, you have to wish. And bribe me. You know we get a ton
of mail here.
- Q: Is there a place in the RDT for anvils, banana peels, and mallets?
- A: Yes, and they're over, under, and onto interns, respectively.
- Q: Which is more dangerous, Pepsi or Coke?
- A: Pepsi tends to have worse commercials, although most Coke products
taste worse. If I were to strand an intern in the middle of the Gobi desert
because they whined that their feet hurt (not that I've ever done that....)
I'd leave them a case of Diet Coke with Lime.
- Q: No, How Much Fun Are *You* On Halloween?
- A: I am Halloween.
- Q: What is the purpose of Daylight Savings Time?
- A: It was for farmers or something. That's why states like Arizona
(which don't support anything other than deadly scorpion farming) think it's
a load of BS and don't do it. The European Union does Daylight Savings Time
on a different day than most of the rest of the world, because they want to
be special. It's just governments screwing with you.
- Q: .....Why is my cat looking at me funny, and licking her chops? Does
she want to eat me?
- A: Nope, she just peed on your shoes, though.
- Q: Does the R.D.T. have visiting hours and/or guided tours? I imagine
that some of the dangerous things have relatives, after all.
- A: If you'd like to be abandoned in the depth of a place that would make
Indiana Jones weep like a woman (there are lots of snakes), I can show you